If you’re thinking about booking an escort for the first time or even if you’re a seasoned pro, this guide is for you. I’m going to tell you everything you need to know about paying for sex. The guide explains the different types of escorts and services available, tells you how to be a good client and even how to turn your escort into your girlfriend.
Paying for sex is one of the most taboo things a guy can do. Most men will rarely talk about it even though an estimated 12 per cent of men pay for sex regularly. It’s also one of the most taboo jobs. It’s rarely 100% legal and regulated. It tends to operate in a partial legal grey zone or be outright illegal as it is in most parts of the US.
This can make paying for sex a confusing and mysterious process full of myths and stereotypes. It also makes it a hotbed of crime ranging from simple scams to sex trafficking and serious organised crime.
In this guide I’m going to explain how booking escorts works and demystify it. I will point out potential scams along the way, teach you how to make sure you are booking escorts ethically and give you tips on how to have the most rewarding experience possible.
Booking an escort is the ultimate luxury. It’s the freedom to explore your fantasies with the person you want, whenever and wherever you like. So here’s how it works and how to do it.
Table of contents
Escort types – Escorts & call girls
The words escort or call girl tend to be used interchangeably. Originally they were euphemisms for prostitution and it implied a higher class service. These days the majority would refer to themselves as an escort whether it’s a low-end girl working in a cheap brothel or a high-end girl escorting with Premier League footballers.
To get around the legality of paying for sex, escort services are typically advertised as a woman who is paid for her companionship only. Sexual contact being expected by clients though not always guaranteed.
Some escorts offer ‘limited services’ only i.e foreplay but no sex or companionship but no sexual contact. However in the main, when you pay an escort or call girl you are paying for sex.
There are many ‘massage parlours’ available where you get more than just a Sports massage. Doing your research is key as you don’t want to proposition the wrong masseuse who is strictly a masseuse. The services available here can be anything from a happy ending to full-blown sex.
There are also ‘full body massages’ which are not therapeutic, you could have a Japanese porn style Nuru massage, a tantric massage or just get a finger up your butt for a prostate massage.
Dominatrixes and Fetishists
Some escorts specialise in dominating their clients, i.e you. This can range from a mild tickle and tease to things that might actually give you nightmares. Of course, you also have ladies who focus on being submissive or catering to other fetishes too so whatever floats your boat, you can be sure to find the perfect escort for you.
Independent vs Agency escorts
It’s worth noting that there’s a distinction between escorts and escorts that work for an escort agency or in a brothel. Escorts are often independent, that is to say that they are self-employed. The contact you have with them will usually be direct and they aren’t managed by anyone.
Independent escorts tend to be pickier with their bookings, 100 per cent of the money you pay will go to the escort, and you can be sure no pimp is controlling them and they have not been sex trafficked.
In comparison, escorts that work for an escort agency are usually organised by the owner of the agency they work for, commonly known as a madam. Usually, an escort will have to give 30% of her money to the agency, 50% if it’s a brothel and more if they are a shady or criminal group.
Beyond the ethical considerations, there are advantages and disadvantages to each for you.
When contacting an independent escort, you have direct communication with her and can discuss your arrangements more easily. Although you might feel reassured that agency girls may be more vetted than independents, your service is only as good as the agency you’ve chosen.
Agencies advertise the girls they have available, you pick from the catalogue and in theory, they deliver. Some may charge a deposit fee to secure your booking, now while in some instances this may be legitimate there is a scam risk here. Not only could you book someone and they don’t show up, but sometimes you’ll book young slim Jane and big old Betty will turn up instead.
When the madam takes your request, they’ll usually aim to deliver but your first choice may not be available and they send an alternative girl. This may be better or worse but it’s not what you asked for. In contrast, while this can happen when booking directly – many agencies and scams pose as independent escorts – it’s much less likely to happen. Look for verified badges in escort ads, request recent unfiltered photos and speak on the phone to arrange the details and you should be fine.
For ethical and moral reasons I would only use brothel or escort agency services in places where those businesses are legal and regulated so you know the girls are treated fairly and work in a safe environment.
Each escort dictates her own terms and conditions of engagement. So you need to check on her profile or ask her what she offers. This can seem like it’s in code if you’re new to escorting, so here’s a quick jargon buster.
GFE ‘The Girlfriend Experience’: This translates to vanilla sex. The kind of date you’d expect to have with a normal girlfriend, think more intimate than a porn star. Think normal activities with a more relaxed vibe, often these packages can be extended to include dinner or events. This is probably the most popular type of service. If you don’t see it offered, don’t expect it. A typical escort encounter is often less intimate than this and might not include kissing, cuddling and things you would do with a girlfriend. Hence the name.
PSE ‘Porn Star Experience’: If it quacks, it’s a duck. Fairly obvious but porn star experiences are more energetic and adventurous than the GFE. Sex is more of a focus than a relaxed chat. Activities can include rougher sex, less vanilla acts and a more tailored scenario for you. Each individual will list what she offers and you can discuss requirements directly.
In Call: You visit her at her accommodation (private apartment/house, hotel, etc). Different girls will offer different standards of accommodation so reviews are a good way to check out what her offering is.
Out Call: She comes to you at your choice of place (private home, hotel, etc) and you pay for her travel expenses. This is usually a more expensive option. Be careful when sharing private information as she’ll know where you live… also good idea to lock your front door to avoid intrusion!
Tickle and Tease: This is a kind of mild bondage, perhaps some light restraint and teasing. Usually combined with one of the above options.
WS /Water Sports: Fetish for being peed on or peeing on others.
HS/ Hard Sports*: Poop play, either watching or actively being shat on or shitting on another. Yum!
CIM/ Cum in Mouth*: When you ejaculate into her mouth, i.e no condom during oral.
Facial: Your sperm ruins her makeup and should try to avoid the hair!
A-Levels/Anal*: Playing in the mud, anal sex.
Pegging/Strap on: Fucking you with a dildo, usually female (dominatrix) fucking a male.
OWO/Oral Without*: This means oral sex without using a condom, often as a precursor to CIM. The opposite being OW (oral with).
Bukkake: Group of men jizzing on a girl!
DFK: Deep French Kissing, get your tongue out!
Snowball*: You cum in her mouth, then she kisses you and gives it back! Tasty!
DT: Deep throating that banana…
Body to Body Massage: Think baby oil and her body sliding over yours, it won’t relax any muscles but might make you hard!
Rimming*: You lick her asshole or she eats yours. Check out my other guide on how to eat ass for tips.
Choking: Breath play, usually part of domination. . . learn how to choke a girl safely first!
*These activities all carry varying levels of risk, before engaging in any sex, you should aim to practice safety first. Especially when seeing sex workers given the nature of their job and the lack of trust beforehand.
Do escorts enjoy sex with their clients?
Is it just a job or do escorts enjoy having sex with their clients? It’s a debate that really depends on each individual escort. As well as which client she’s seeing on a given day.
Having sex for money is obviously different to having sex with someone on a date. When an escort sees a new client, she has no idea what he’s going to be like, physically or personality-wise. For the client on the other hand, it’s easier for them to know if they’ll enjoy the meeting. After all, they get to choose the girl after viewing a gallery and reading a description about them.
Any sexual encounter with someone new can be a bit awkward. There’s simply a lot of unknown territories where you aren’t sure of what each of you likes and enjoys. Plus they can’t always get to know their body right away.
For escorts, the fact that they have sex professionally often means that the kind of sex they have isn’t necessarily to their personal taste. Making sure that their client enjoys the experience is more of a priority. Down from dressing in an outfit he likes, doing certain positions and setting a particular mood for it.
But just because an escort is meeting a client, doesn’t mean that she can’t also enjoy having sex with clients. For many women, choosing to be an escort is a choice they make because they like sex. The fantasy aspect of escorting fulfils her own desires and she gets to feel empowered. So yes, you could say some escorts enjoy sex with their clients.
The escort lifestyle
For women, being an escort is more than just a job but becomes a lifestyle in itself. Women who enjoy certain kinds of sex may deliberately be an escort who specialises in these services. For someone who enjoys BDSM related sex, having new experiences with clients who are also into BDSM could mean that the escort enjoys sex with those clients too.
Dominatrix escorts enjoy sex with their clients as it’s strictly on their terms. Although for many dominatrixes, there is no penetrative sexual intercourse with clients. Instead, submissive men often seek professional dommes to control them through S&M play, obedience games and service-based roles.
If an escort is naturally submissive however and takes clients who are dominant, she may enjoy this lifestyle aspect more as it taps into her preferred kinks. Being an escort can allow women with fetish desires to explore those things in the settings they choose. While they can select clients for monetary gain, they can also show discernment with who they are willing to see.
The escort lifestyle isn’t always the most social of fields. Hours can be unpredictable and it’s not always possible to make arrangements far in advance. But for women who choose to be escorts and do genuinely like what they do, can enjoy the rush that comes with having sex with their clients.
Sex with a client can take different routes depending on the connection established and what both individuals enjoy. A girl who enjoys being an escort is obviously more likely to enjoy having sex with her clients. Whereas someone who becomes an escort out of desperation or struggles to find clients she likes, may not enjoy having sex with clients at all.
A lot of escorts I spoke to report having certain favourite things about clients. Down from what kind of client they prefer to see to what actively turns them on about a given client. Some girls said finding the transaction based, performance element of client sex as being a rush in itself. With part of their enjoyment coming from the chance to get ready and show off.
Whereas other girls say they can find something to like about every client. Whether it was his eyes, his skills in bed or just something about his personality. For an escort to enjoy sex with her client, there needs to be consideration given to her pleasure.
Many clients seeking GFE (Girlfriend Experience) meetings say that making sure the woman has pleasure is critical to them enjoying the encounter. Usually, these kinds of meetings are more enjoyable for the woman as it’s more relaxed and sensual than more wham-bam encounters. But again, it depends on each escort’s tastes.
If you want an escort to like you. Try to focus on being a good, clean and respectful client first. And watch out for things you should never say to her. . .
10 Things you should never say to an escort
When meeting someone new, it makes sense that you’re curious about her. It’s not a traditional ‘civilian’ job of working behind a desk and maybe you just want to know more about it. But there are some questions that are okay to ask and others to avoid when speaking to an escort.
1. What’s your real name?
Maybe you’re happy to tell her your real name, that’s entirely up to you. Though it might be better to wait until you’ve seen someone regularly before revealing too much personal information. But just because you’re okay with telling her your real name, doesn’t mean she should tell you hers. Also, it isn’t okay to ask it.
Sure you might not mean any harm and are just interested. But there are lots of options for small talk. The weather, food, music, what her favourite holiday is or sex – asking her name isn’t appropriate. If she wants to tell you, she will and if she doesn’t, you really shouldn’t push to know. In all likelihood, if you do push, she probably will lie rather than admit the truth. While that might seem like a victory to you, it won’t put you into her good books and could create a red flag next to your name.
Sex work is a mysterious, exciting and sometimes challenging industry to be involved with. Often an escort wants to keep her identity secret and maintain privacy. Hence it’s fair to say that she probably isn’t called Cleopatra or whatever name you know her by. In much the same way as Marilyn Monroe was really Norma Jean Mortenson, it just isn’t as safe or sexy to use your real name.
Also, whatever you do, don’t try pressuring her into telling you through guessing games-it’s disrespectful and can be just plain annoying. To you, it might seem harmless but to her, it’s crossing a boundary and revealing too much information. Besides, isn’t Marilyn a much prettier option than Norma?
2. Does your family know about this?
The chances are that her family don’t know and you making comments about it, isn’t going to be that popular. Again there is the matter of respecting someone’s privacy. If you’ve just met someone for sex, are you going to want to tell them all about your family? Probably not.
Does your family know you work in an office? Sure. Does her family know she is paid by men for her sexual companionship?
Asking someone about their interests and life is fine if they want to tell you about it. But to ask this kind of question can feel intrusive at best and judgemental at worst.
If you develop a more open conversation with your favourite girl, in time you probably will find out more – if she wants to tell you. You just need to be mindful that you aren’t overstepping the line by asking questions that will make it awkward for both of you.
3. How many clients she’s seen before you
Asking her how many clients she’s seen before you or how many she’ll see after you is awkward. It’s even worse if you try to insist on being the first or last client of her ‘shift.’ Why? Well, simply because you need to understand that for her it is work.
You can’t dictate her schedule or where you fit in her calendar beyond date and time. Maybe you want to be the first person she sees for whatever reason, that’s understandable but you shouldn’t pressure her into this.
So you’ve decided to see an escort, okay. You pick out someone you like, sure. Then you start trying to find out how many people she’s seeing that day or worse, you meet her and then start asking which number you are. This is the danger zone. Not only might you not like what you hear but you’re running the risk of offending her over her hygiene.
Very few women I’ve met will be 100 per cent honest with a client about how many people they’re seeing on a given day. If you start demanding to be first, it may make her uncomfortable as to why you want to be first or last.
Perhaps you’re just interested in what her day is like or genuinely don’t want to make her schedule too difficult. This is nice and kind but keep any questions open-ended. Just ask, ‘How’s your day been?’ rather than saying, ‘So I see you’ve been very busy this week, huh?’
Focus on enjoying the time you have with her and treating her with all the respect you’d show to a normal girlfriend. If your over-interest appears pushy, it can creep her out so play it cool.
4. How old are you, really?
Okay, so you meet up with somebody you think is 25, you get there and wonder if she might actually be older. Asking a woman how old she is, never goes down well. Never mind if your question suggests she may be either lying about her age to get more interest – or worse – looks older than she is (most women will see this as a bad thing!)
Now some escorts may knock a few years off their real age for the sake of marketing. The way you may say you’re 27 rather than 31 on your Tinder profile. It’s pointless but sometimes girls get self-conscious about their age. No big deal, right? Unless you’ve arranged to meet someone who says they’re 25 but is clearly 45, there is no benefit in saying anything.
So you meet someone and they aren’t as you expected, i.e they’re a different person altogether or they used heavily photoshopped images, there are multiple ways to handle the situation without being a dick.
If someone is a bit older then it isn’t really an issue so just enjoy yourself – don’t ask them about it. But on the other hand, if it is a deal-breaker you can politely excuse yourself and leave. Thereby remaining respectful and on good terms.
Any comments about a woman’s age can be prickly, so unless you really have to address it – don’t. Asking to see her ID is a privacy breach and you don’t want to create bad blood.
5. How much money do you make?
This is a simple point. Will you feel comfortable if they ask how much you get paid? Therefore asking an escort how much money she makes from seeing clients or generally making comments on her income is inappropriate.
It’s none of your business and if she wants to be honest with you about her income, that’s her choice. But simply put money is one of the top things you should never say or discuss with an escort. After you pay her you should try to forget all about money and focus on having a good time.
6. Do I have to wear a condom?
Any requests for unprotected sex are not advisable. Most escorts will insist on protected sex with barrier method contraception being used. This will typically involve male condoms although some may also offer female condoms.
Male condoms are common as they provide less friction due to the snug fit and are less tricky to use. Whereas female condoms have the risk of slipping out of place, male condoms should remain in place if fitting correctly.
It is worth trying a variety of condoms yourself to find which suits you best. Whether you’re shorter, longer, thinner or thicker – there’s a suit to match your man. It’s worthwhile knowing that a thicker or ‘extra safe’ condom provides more security when in the heat of passion.
If however you struggle with losing sensitivity when wearing a rubber, consider trying textured condoms or enhancing lubricants to aid your pleasure.
Asking an escort for unprotected sex is not respectful nor safe. When you meet a new sexual partner, safe sex will reduce your risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancy. Even if you think STIs aren’t an issue, remember that sexual health testing is not perfect and escorts are a high-risk group. Also, unplanned pregnancies are still a risk even when the girl is on hormonal birth control.
For the sake of your health, you should use condoms for any encounters with an escort. Equally, oral sex still carries a risk of STIs and when engaging with escorts, many will require you to wear a condom before she will perform a blowjob. Wearing a thinner condom during this may help with sensation and is something you can discuss.
Respect and consent are key parts of any sexual encounter. Even if you pay someone for their company, you shouldn’t demand anything which they are uncomfortable doing. 99 per cent of escorts will block anyone who requests unprotected sex to avoid people who pose a risk to their health.
7. Can I have your private number?
Unless the escort offers you her private number, do not ask for it. If she has communicated with you via email/phone/text, that is to arrange the meeting only. Asking for additional contact beyond the means she has approved of is unfair.
You wouldn’t hand out your personal number to someone you’ve only just met due to safety reasons. So please don’t assume it’s okay to ask her to do this.
Also, refrain from contacting her unnecessarily, if she wants to communicate in a friendly way – that’s up to her. But otherwise arrange to meet, send a thank you message afterwards if you like but be respectful and keep a distance.
If a client messages or phones a woman too frequently, it is an easy way to be considered a trouble maker or get blocked. Although you may not mean to harass her, there is a fine line between being friendly and then crossing the boundary into becoming a nuisance.
Escorts have to be careful about who they trust and who knows more about them. If you appear to be a threat or stalking her, she may well block you or even go to the police. Respecting her boundaries is critical.
8. Do you have a boyfriend?
This is one of the most awkward things you can say to an escort. While it might seem like a fair question and it’s understandable you might wonder if she’s single, it’s not any of your business.
Her life is her private life and whether she’s single or not, doesn’t affect the meeting she has with you. When you get to know an escort on a regular basis or become friends, she might tell you more about herself. But right now, this isn’t the kind of question to ask.
Also, think about it: if she says yes, is that going to make you feel good? Is it a turn on or off for you? You’re seeing her for a fantasy encounter, whether she’s called Marilyn or Norma is irrelevant because to you, she’s Marilyn. Whether she’s single or has a boyfriend, isn’t really any of your concern but once you start thinking about it, it may stay in the back of your mind and ruin your time with her.
While a lot of escorts choose to be single due to the challenges of seeing clients and balancing a relationship, many are attached. Understandably, they may prefer to keep their personal lives completely private.
Respect is key and whether they are attached or not shouldn’t impact your time with them. If you comment on it, it may cause an awkward moment which is easily avoided.
9. Asking for services she doesn’t offer
Before you arrange to meet someone, check whether they offer the things you’re interested in. All escort directories allow escorts to list which activities they engage in and what their limits are. During early contact, it’s okay to discuss what activities you’d like to enjoy in the booking. But once you’ve agreed, it’s not okay to try to persuade and pressure her to do other things.
For example, not all escorts will provide anal sex and if you offer to pay more this won’t persuade them and it’s disrespectful. Money isn’t the answer to everything. Therefore if you want to meet someone who will engage in a specific service, establish before the meeting that they are happy with this and book accordingly.
Remember, even if you or the escort agree to certain activities in advance, you can both change your mind on the day – consent is key. Trying to pressure someone into doing more than they are willing to is unfair and borders on harassment, assault or even rape.
If you’re engaging in sexual activity with an escort and she appears to be in pain or seems uncomfortable, it is best to pause what you’re doing and ask if she’s okay. Even if nothing’s wrong, she’ll still appreciate you being a gentleman and checking she’s fine.
But if something is amiss then you have the opportunity to correct it, either through just changing position or perhaps taking a break from whatever you’re doing.
Never assume that it is okay to do something, if in doubt, ask. Not all women like the same things, hence discussing consensual activities and showing respect is key.
10. Can I see your face before we meet?
Some escorts will be happy to display photos of their face on their main profile. Many women won’t do this due to the risk of being recognised by someone they know or the threat of stalkers.
When you do meet someone, you will see their face and often positive feedback from other clients will be enough to reassure you that you’re in for a treat. Asking for photos of her that aren’t already provided is a bit pushy.
The same issues apply when asking if you can take photos during the meeting. Some women will be okay with this however usually if it is allowed, they will state this on their profile.
So while some of the things you shouldn’t say to an escort may seem obvious, they are worth remembering. Following normal good manners and showing respect will go a long way towards earning yourself a good reputation.
When meeting an escort, treat her with all of the decency you would show to any woman on a date. Be considerate, show interest in her but don’t ask awkward questions and you’ll be rewarded with an amazing experience most times.
Is it possible to date an escort or make her your girlfriend?
The idea of dating an escort might sound like the ultimate fantasy. She’s sexy, skilled in bed and surely loves to have sex, right? But there is often more to consider before you go from favourite client to real-life lover!
Escorting is one of the oldest professions in the world. We know that there’s stigma around sex work, it can’t be denied but attitudes are changing. Society is becoming more accepting of sex workers and is beginning to recognise that women have many reasons for choosing to become an escort.
It’s very rare that a woman feels forced to be an escort. More women are turning to escorting as a lifestyle choice, whether through being a sugar baby, full-time or part-time escort. Even lots of porn models make extra money escorting on the side.
Women who are into alternative relationships might see escorting as a way to explore their desire to swing or find new dominant/submissive partners. Submissive men might want to date an escort who specialises in being a dominatrix to find their ultimate mistress.
But the question stands can you ever date an escort, how to you go from client to lover? And if you do, what are the challenges that come with it?
Professional vs Personal life
How does an escort balance her professional sex life with her personal one? While many women deliberately choose to stay single while escorting to avoid the complications of dating, others are attached.
Having a committed partner and being an escort doesn’t have to be in conflict. But having a partner who is understanding of her work and can manage the challenges of it is essential.
If you meet an escort through being her client first then it will be very difficult to change gears and start a relationship. After all, there’s always the uncertainty of whether you are both genuine. You might doubt whether she really enjoys your company and the sex. While she may wonder if you just want free sex.
Once the initial hurdles are out of the way, the challenge remains as to how you balance professional and personal life. Some escorts might choose to hold back in certain activities just for their boyfriends while not doing so with clients or vice versa to separate their private and work life.
Is she acting?
If you date an escort you may often wonder whether she really likes you and the things you do or if she is acting. After all, she knows how to perform as if she’s enjoying herself even if she isn’t attracted to the men she sees. It’s normal to question if she is faking it, as chances are high that at work she has needed to faked it plenty of times before.
While she may easily be able to switch off from professional mode and go into personal, you might struggle with it. It’s not always easy knowing that your girlfriend is having sex with other people even when you’ve agreed to it.
Although sex for escorts is a professional act, it’s true that it is still an intimate one. Escorts have often said they don’t find the sex to be emotional in the way it is with a partner. Nevertheless, it’s still physical intimacy that can challenge monogamy.
In any relationship you need to have trust and open communication. If you date an escort this is even more important as there are inherent reasons why you might feel uneasy. But you should remember that while she may see clients for money, she’s dating you for your own merits.
Call girl on call vs off duty
A major challenge of any kind of sex work but especially being an escort is balancing work schedules. When an escort is on call, she can have zero interest or be booked up constantly. Having to juggle personal commitments alongside work can be a struggle.
It’s much easier for an escort if she’s got regular bookings and has set hours in which to see clients. But unlike an office job, being an escort is not 9-5. A lot of business is requested in the evenings, often on weekends when men are free to mingle and over the holiday periods.
Surprisingly, over the summer work can often drop off as clients become busy with their own personal lives and spend money on holidays or socialising rather than seeing their favourite escort. It can prove difficult for some escorts to maintain a steady income due to this. Many escorts have other part-time or even full-time work to pay the bills while escorting an extra.
When you live with a lady who also escorts, you might need to be understanding that when times are hard, she may take last minute bookings to hit her target. Or that even when she’s off duty if a good client expresses interest she may well skip movie night and take the booking.
What about sex when you decide to date an escort?
Just because you’re dating someone who is a professional lover doesn’t mean you can expect sex on tap. Chances are that some days your girlfriend would want to unwind and ignore sex altogether. But when she’s in the mood she will blow your mind.
Sex with a professional is just better. They have all the skills and experience and when you add great chemistry and real feelings on top, word just cannot describe it.
But how do you go from client to girlfriend?
How to ask an escort out
If you ask an escort on a real date it will almost always be super awkward. My advice is that you should almost never do it. You didn’t book her to fall in love. An escort site is not Tinder so enjoy the experience. Chances are you just want her more because you can’t have her.
But if you do really fall for an escort then go slow. Make sure you really like her first. Book her at least two or three times and talk to her, get to know her naturally.
When you are ready and if you feel that you vibe, then you can try your luck. She probably likes you and doesn’t want anything romantic, but you don’t know until you ask. Simply invite her for dinner or lunch after your next paid date and if she’s free and says yes, then it’s a sign she enjoys your company for more than just the money and you have a small chance.
If she says no or asks for extra money, then she’s not interested. But hey, it’s not a rejection. You still get to have awesome times with her without any commitment. So enjoy it. It’s the best rejection you will ever get!